What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
