Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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