Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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