My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
