The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
