I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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