Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
