I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
