I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize