I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
