So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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