you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are a genius and a whore.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
