I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
