I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
