so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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