Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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