You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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