How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
