he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
