What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
