your parents love me but you hate me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
