we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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