Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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