Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I touched a dick in church today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
