my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
