apparently the secret to your success is patron
only if we run a train.
done.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
