AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
