When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
