I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
