sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
