I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
