I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
