So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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