His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
