Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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