At least make sure they are 18
Why
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
