You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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