Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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