Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
