I think my fart just growled at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
