Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
