were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
