yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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