just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
