I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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