True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
