is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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