You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize