dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
