A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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