how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
