some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize