From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
