all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
