i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Barsexuality is the new black.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
