She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
