yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
