so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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