I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
