last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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