is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it fun? or sober?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
