I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
