thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
