Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
