Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
