last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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