I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
