He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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