I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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