Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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