i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
