Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
