you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
