I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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