don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drake has all the answers
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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