i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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