im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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