I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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